Steve Jobs. Mother Teresa had Father Michael van der Peet. Henry David Thoreau had Ralph Waldo Emerson (the list goes on).
Despite varying and sometimes contradicting perspectives on how best to succeed professionally, most leaders agree that a mentor is one of the most valuable people to have on your career journey. Unfortunately, if you’re not sure how to set up and manage this relationship, it can be a waste of everyone’s time. The good news is being a great mentor and mentee is not too hard if you’re serious about it.
The first step to a strong mentoring relationship is setting clear expectations and ground rules. What are the agreed-upon goals for this relationship? How often will you meet and for how long? What will happen when your goals are accomplished?
Once everyone agrees on what’s expected, keep in mind the following role-specific tips:
For Mentors:
As a mentor, your job is to add value to your mentee’s professional life by encouraging them to step out of their comfort zone and marshaling your resources to help them. Your help might come in the form of insightful advice, honest feedback or a connection to someone in your network.
To be a great mentor, be:
- Worthy: Practice what you preach so your mentee will benefit just from observing and interacting with you. Listen closely to the expectations and goals of your potential mentee. Be upfront about whether you can really help. If you haven’t walked the path that your mentee wants to take, you might be better off declining the relationship.
- Available: Your mentee will need you most during difficult and uncertain times. It’s difficult to know when those times will be. If your schedule doesn’t allow you the flexibility to connect with your mentee when he or she needs you, you might want to reconsider being a mentor.
- Caring: If you’re mentoring to check the “I’m mentoring others” box or because you think the mentor label will look good to other people, your mentoring relationship will probably fizzle out soon after it starts. See mentoring as a gift from the other person to you as opposed to a gift from you to them.
One of the most impactful actions a mentor can take is to give confidence to your mentees and help them see that they can perform beyond what they thought possible. In Hamilton: The Musical, George Washington models this by empowering Alexander Hamilton with the line “I know that greatness lies in you.” Try that line with your mentee.
For Mentees:
As a mentee, your job is to make your mentors glad that they’ve decided to work with you. You do this by taking their advice, helping them see your progress and making their lives easier. A few ways to do that is to be:
- Teachable: If you fight or disregard every idea your mentor shares with you, they will disengage. Be open to what you hear and give it shot before you say no or make excuses.
- Prepared: Set an agenda, ask specific questions relevant to your goals and show what you’ve done and learned
- Accountable: Follow through and do what you say you’ll do, then set the next meeting. If your mentor has to chase you to get an update, you’re making them work too hard.
When looking for a mentor, remember this Chinese proverb,
“To know the road ahead, ask those coming back.”Â
Find mentors who are just one or two steps ahead of you so they can give you practical advice. The idea is to find someone experienced, available and willing so they can invest meaningfully in this relationship. You can still network with people much more senior to you and ask them to mentor you, but just remember the path they’ve taken may no longer exist and they may have trouble relating to your challenges.
Get mentors for different areas of your life. Look at your strengths and weaknesses and ask yourself whether the person you want to mentor you excels in the area you want mentoring in.
The hardest part is actually getting a great mentor to say yes. To get the attention of mentors, show that you’re worth investing in by showing resourcefulness, exuding a strong work ethic and doing great things. It’s much easier to say yes to you if the other person is excited about contributing to your success.
